preggolicious

so, we go from crack spider to this. yes friends. this little baby is inside the belly. my belly to be precise. it is no longer just a little nugget, it's a little nugget with ten fingers and ten toes and apparently a big fat head.

all is good in mommy land. i have definitely been in "mommy-to-be mode", reading, reading and reading as much information as i can get my hands on to prepare me for this unknown, terrifying chapter of my life. i really really really hope i don't fuck this up.

you know what's really frightening? i don't think i have ever held a child in my entire life. ever. i was always too scared to hold other peoples kids because i thought i would drop them on their head or something and i would never be able to forgive myself. now, what the hell am i going to do!!

calm down...calm down...panic attacks must be sympons of pregnancy.

besides my daily "holy fucking shit" moments, i think i'm doing alright. there's two cysts on my ovaries which kinda sucks, but the doctors say thats normal. doesn't sound "normal" to me, but i'm going with it for sanity sake.

we also got to hear the little ones heartbeat the other day. talk about amazing. the baby was perfectly in sync with my heart and it kind of sounded like a racing thud heard from within a conch shell. i cried like a big baby.

lately, i've been specifically in baby name mode. it has to be perfect. we are currently taking any creative suggestions.

oh and did i mention.....it's 75% likely to be a girl!!

what can i say, i do my best to make this world a better place.