my spirit is in the toilet

finding a job in new york is near impossible. when i came up here i was full of hopes and felt that i had some sort of edge on finding a great job that i will love and yet, here i am 4 weeks later, unemployed and completely broke.

my current life consists of this, dragging myself out of bed by noon, making coffee, MAYBE showering, but always putting my jammies back on, sitting in front of this computer for hours and hours searching for jobs, eating again, watching ridiculous television, a possible scrabble game (of which i usual kick ass...like last night!!), a few games of sudoki, an aimless walk around the hood, an free "on demand" movie and then reading myself to sleep. did you notice that there is no alcohol activity involved there? yeah, well alcohol costs money. money i do not have. i think, no i am positive, that this factor is contributing to my unhappiness. pathetic, but very true.

i am honestly thinking of becoming an escort. now, its not prostitution, but simply good ol' paid company. or maybe ill do this (www.nyflirts.com). shit, you could pay me to go to a bar and be pretty. its against everything i believe in but im desperate.

its even got to the point where i may have to sell some of my guitars. fuck, i cant believe i even said that out loud. im depressed just thinking about it.

ENOUGH!! i know, enough of my bitching. its boring and insane. sorry.

lets talk other news, like the "ethnic diversity" of the survivor cast. this really bothers me. i thought this show was like super popular, so why are they so desperate for ratings. that is why they did this, right? it has to be.

however....

the show's host, jeff probst said, "now, when you have to vote somebody out from your own group, it's going to come down to who's contributing and who isn't."

ummm...is he implying that is was previously done done otherwise? hmm.

ok. im signing off to make brownies...hopefully they wont cantain e coli. i guess ill find out in months to come when its too late.